Black Woman, YOU Might Need Therapy!

If I hear one mo’ black woman say things like: “Therapy ain’t for me,” “I’ll pray about it,” or “I’ve got a good support network already,” I swear I will snatch both our MF wigs off. Dayum!!! Look here, Black Woman YOU might need therapy. Okurrr?! It’s so good for you!

Lissen, Black women carry the weight of the world on our shoulders every day. We are analyzed, criticized, and sometimes even ostracized for simply being us. More often than not, we are so used to being in pain, that we just deal with it. A licensed therapist can help process, analyze, let go, plan, and work through issues in a safe, protected space. Over time a relationship with a therapist will leave you focused and with a strong sense of self so you can truly live your best life! It is working for me and it can work for you.

Still unconvinced? That’s fine or whatever. Read more below and see if these situations resonate with you.

5 Good Reasons YOU, Black Woman, Might Need Therapy

#1. You’re tired all the time. A telling sign of anxiety or depression in constantly feeling tired or fatigued. No matter how much you sleep, you are constantly dragging. Looking back, I have struggled with depression for a long time, possibly back to my teenage years. My bed was my refuge when I didn’t want to deal, and over time it became my prison. Now, through therapy, I can assess how I’m feeling and distinguish between physical fatigue and mental fatigue. Then I know for sure whether I need to rest, see my therapist, practice some self-care, or ALL of the above. And I still loooove my bed, Chile, but now it’s used for nice and naughty things, not sadness. *wink*

#2. You’re broke(n). As a child who grew up around addiction and instances of domestic violence, there were parts of me that were broken. Real talk: I had self-esteem issues, Daddy issues, a predilection for alcohol and/or drug abuse and more, if I am honest. To make myself feel better, I shopped a lot and got into tons of debt, which ruined my credit. But through therapy, I know my triggers and practice healthy (read: free) habits.

Also, I understand myself and my childhood better, which allows me to be a present mom who is married to a strong, supportive husband who treats me like the Queen that I am. Therapy empowered me to have a strong sense of self and be unapologetic about who I am and my needs. (Imagine what kind of wife and mom I would be without therapy AND what kind of man I might have married!) And no shade to my own father… he’s been sober for over 20 years. Praise God! I’m so proud of him. He is a present father and grandfather.

#3. You’re ugly. For those of you out here hatin’ on folks, gossiping, hanging with raggedy friends, and cussing folks out: could it be that you are unsatisfied with your own life and it’s exhibited in bad behavior projected towards others? Yeah, girl, you sho is ugly. My prior ugliness showed itself through emotional eating, overspending, drinking too much, etc. Not addressing internal issues leads to jealousy, negativity, and all kinds of toxicity. There was a time when I was that way but not anymore. I have supportive friends who mirror the best in me and help me to be better. No competition or hate, it’s all love! You can be a friend to others only when you are a friend to yourself.

#4. You’re full of sh*t. Not poop per se but emotional ISH that needs to be unpacked. I’m talking years and years… You’ve been carrying it around for so long, you don’t even know you’re stooped over. (Am I right or am I right?!) You gotta let that go and, yes, it’s a process. Talk to someone to find out why you are the way you are, so you can let it out. For me, it was trying to be perfect all the time on the outside but inwardly I was deflated, insecure, and doing all the wrong things. I wore a mask so long that I was fooling myself. See…full of sh*t.

#5. You keep picking the wrong dudes. The old me dated men at the level of my (low) self-worth. Therapy can help unpack issues which lead to selecting mates who are emotionally unavailable, noncommittal, trifling h*es, or just all around jerks that treat you bad. The common denominator to many of my failed relationships was me. Counseling enabled me to uncover what I have to offer in a relationship, develop a realistic list of what I wanted, and successfully work through issues that arise now in marriage.

How to Find Your Very Own Therapy-Bae

Finding the right therapist to fit your needs is a process. As you begin your search, identify the type of individual you would feel most comfortable with: male or female, religious or not, race, sexuality, etc. My wish list was for a Black female, Christian (who didn’t care if I cursed), straight forward, non judgemental, and funny.

Second, you may want to prepare a short list of questions to ask during the initial consultation. That’s the time to talk through your issues and evaluate if there’s any initial chemistry. If there’s no chemistry, it’s okay to keep looking. Sis, you must persist in your search for effective mental health support and in finding someone who is a good match, i.e. your Therapy-Bae. If you are convinced to take the leap, below are a list of resources to move forward.

• Your health insurer is a good place to start if you are insured or you can determine eligibility through your Employee Assistance Program or EAP. Below is a list of popular insurance carriers.
  • Blue Cross and Blue Shield
  • Aetna
  • United Healtcare
  • Magellan Healthcare
• If your employer does not offer this coverage, check with community providers or with places of worship and community centers as they tend to offer free support groups. Additionally, find out if Medicaid will cover you through their Behavioral Health Services.
  
• Psychology Today– Select ‘Find a Therapist’ on the banner and search by zip code. From there you can filter by Insurance or Issues.
• Therapy for Black Girls– Dr. Joy has a podcast you can listen to as well as a ‘Therapist Directory’ you can search by Insurance and State.
• Sarah Hightower, LPC– is my homegirl from #FiskUniversity but is also a wife, mom, and a Licensed Professional Counselor supporting moms. Check out her website for some great resources and connect with her if you are in the Atlanta area.

Author’s Note: This post is not intended to give medical or mental health advice. It is my personal account of the improved quality of life I experience (as a Black woman, wife, and working mom) through the care of a licensed therapist. To be clear, it’s not just for married women or mothers- therapy is beneficial for all of us. Too many Black women are hurting when we can be helped.  Let us remove the stigma of mental health issues in the Black community as well as from those who seek solace from mental health issues. (Oh… and attending church is not therapy. It helps me for sure but the two are not mutually exclusive.) Amen.