This V-Day I Realized, I’m THAT Bare-Minimum Mom

This morning I woke up at 5am, ran around the house like a crazy person making sure every little thing was in order for the kids’ day, peaked in their backpacks to see that the Valentine’s Day candy bags were still accounted for (thank GOD I remembered to throw the bags in there because having to drive up to school flustered in the middle of the day after the classroom party with forgotten candy is embarrassing), and got out the house with everybody alive. Basically living my best life. So I thought.

It wasn’t until I logged onto Instagram this morning and looked at my feed full of AMAZING, hand-made, well-thought out, Pinterest-perfected, Grammy award-nominated, Oscar-winning, Emmy-acclaimed Valentine’s Day ensembles for their kids’ classmates that I realized….oh my God, I am THAT bare-minimum mom!

Just pin a scarlet B on me right now because I deserve the gold medal podium for the Bare Minimum Mom Award. Two days ago I hurridly picked out 2 bags of 30-pack candy, one bag for each of my two children to distribute during their Valentine’s celebration at school. I’m so proud of myself for even remembering to buy it (I think I forgot last year). I couldn’t even tell you the type of candy I got. Something fruity with no nuts. That’s all I know. Who knows?

Last night was a cluster in my household. Two hours of 1st grade math homework I couldn’t figure out without googling YouTube videos and texting high school math teachers for a lifeline. Now I have questions about my own intelligence because I’m 38 and cannot complete 1st grade math without a tutor. Anyway, I half-blow dried my hair, prepped lunch boxes, ironed, washed dishes, folded 3 loads of laundry and cleaned up 18,364 toys off the floor (maybe more). We barely made bedtime and I don’t even remember falling asleep.

Not once in my loud, chaotic, migraine-inducing evening did it ever occur to me to even open the bags of candy, carefully complete the “to” and “from” labels in beautiful pink & red calligraphy, delicately place them in cute little bags or remotely present the treats in a way that would have met minimum requirements for a GAF contest.

I didn’t. I just threw the bags of candy in the backpacks, still in the grocery bag (almost missing the shot), and collapsed into a much-needed slumber.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to do those things. I wish I could Amazon Prime whatever that gene is that makes people a Pinterest mom and morph into THAT mom overnight. I WISH I got excited little goosebumps at the idea of doing a fun art activity or making amazing little heart baggies. I WISH I had the desire to cut out pink heart unicorns, glue sparkly cottonball kittens to construction paper and spell out I LOVE YOU in glow-in-the-dark glitter. But I don’t. I just don’t! It’s not my ministry!

Yes, I do realize that I pale in comparison to other moms’ ability to pull this amazing stuff off. I know that deep down, I could actually do it and probably do it WELL if I gave two shindigs and even put in a tiny effort. But you may be horrified to know that I’ve gotten quite comfortable in my lack of desire to be amazing at everything. I’m perpetually TIED (tired).

So this year, my kids are lucky I even remembered to throw the unlabeled bag of whatever that was into their backpacks. I gave them my best at-the-moment, unapologetic ME!

But guess what? I do promise next year that I’ll try harder and blow all the other parents out the water with my Valentine’s Day creations that will probably have to be hauled into the classrooms by stunt-men on dollies (because I’m competitive like that and extra AF.) So get ready for me Pinterest Parents!

But nope, not today. I hope the littles have fun eating whatever that was I sent for the class and enjoy their day!

Signed-

Happy and Loving TIRED Bare-Minimum Mama