“Will You Be My Friend?” How To Make New Friends As An Adult

“Will you be my friend? Circle one: yes, no, maybe so.” As children, the friend game was so easy. I remember starting 3rd grade at a new school, in a new city, and during the first week, a classmate I did not know came up to me and said “do you want to be my best friend?” I responded, “Sure!” And we walked away holding hands. You’d be surprised to know that 3rd grade simplicity can actually work on adults too, because the basic need for real friendships never really goes away.

I know I know. I get that as adults, everything is more complicated. We are older. We have kids and careers. We are too busy. We don’t have time for games. Friendships require too much work. Blah Blah. But the truth is, many of us want and need new friends. Although we don’t always admit it, have no idea where to get new friends, or how to ask for friendship when we do meet new people, the basic need doesn’t go away.

Not to mention, admitting that we are lonely, bored, or looking to meet a new friend can seem weird, desperate and taboo…. UNTIL you realize you aren’t alone and that more than half of us are looking for the same thing. So…..if so many of us are in the market for fresh faces to hang out with, chat it up with, or even confide in, why is it so hard to actually link up? It’s actually not.

You are NEVER too old to start a new friendship. Whether you are fresh out of college, a busy parent with a lacking social life, or a middle-aged adult looking for a companion, know that you are always eligible for new friendships.

How to make new friends as an adult: it’s kind of like dating….except it’s not.

1. Admit that you want new friends. At least to yourself. Tell yourself you want to meet people and enhance your life with new relationships. You will start seeing new people in everything you do. At the grocery store, through a mutual friend, via some random encounter with a stranger that makes you laugh. New friends are everywhere, you just have to notice them.

2. Be Social. Join groups online or offline. Facebook has groups for all interest types. There are online mom groups. Groups for knitting. Groups for people that have tiny dogs. People are quite sociable in small, online communities and it’s not as taboo to make new friends in like-minded spaces. Also, join local organizations, volunteer, serve. Working on small committees is a great way to build friendships while doing something productive. Plus, it’s a common way to find similar individuals. Introduce yourself. Initiate conversations. Seek out others that seem friendly and receptive.

3. Bring something to the table. One of the easiest ways to meet someone is to come bearing gifts….yourself, that is, because you have so much to offer! Offer advice. Extend a hand. Be relatable. Make a referral. Be a giver!

4. Offer good conversation. Figure out what you have in common, what you both like, who you both may know. Talk about things you both find interesting. And be interesting, put forth an effort to be engaging. Share, open up, tell a funny story.

5. Be nice. Of course be YOU first, but you can attract more friends with honey than vinegar. Let others know that you make a good friend and that you’re an awesome companion.

6. Be available. If we are too busy for friendships, that means we have allowed our other interests and commitments to take over our lives. The truth is, we can always make time for the things we want and need. Put a friend-date on your calendar. Find a local outing and purchase tickets in advance. Have a standing meet-up at a nearby coffee shop. Add “nurture friendships” to your list of commitments.

7. Don’t be overbearing. Be pleasantly assertive, but relax and have fun!  Allow the friendship to organically blossom on it’s own so both people are comfortable and want it to be long-lasting. After-all, those are the best ones anyway.

8. Don’t ditch your old friends. Just like having multiple children, there is always more room for new people. “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.”

9. Just Ask. It’s easier than you think, and it’s a good chance the other person will be interested as well! Now that I’m completely over insecurities and awkwardness, I revert to my 3rd grade self and just plain out ask people “hey, do you want to be my friend?” They smile and say “sure!” Because chances are, they were looking for a friend too! It works, believe me.

10. Be a good friend. Friendships should be reciprocal. They are about give and take. Check in with them periodically. Let them know when you think of them. If you come across something that will make them laugh, send it to them. Remind them you are there for them. And last but not least, be available.

Share this post if you could use some new friends in your life!