I’m An Effing Person and I Matter! Moms Need Self-Care.

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On an airplane, who is told to put on their oxygen mask first? The adult! Why? Because, if you pass out from lack of oxygen then both of you are screwed! Your child is depending on you to take care of yourself first. So that leads me to my point….I’m an effing person and I matter!

Yes, I said it! I, Joeysha, a wife, mother of two, daughter, sister, auntie, cousin, niece, friend, school volunteer, church secretary, whatever- yes me, I MATTER. Well I matter most to myself and I am working hard to teach my children…that I MATTER TO MYSELF! (Ok, I won’t yell that again. You’re welcome!)

As a mother, it can be very hard to tell yourself, let alone your child(ren) that you are a person, a person who matters. It can be equally as hard to treat yourself like you matter! Despite the potential difficulties, I advise you begin this journey of pouring into yourself. If you need some encouragement, I’m going to list my top reasons for why you should make yourself a priority. Keep in mind I’m no professional, just an amazing mom to exceptional 9 and 5 year olds and I protect myself fiercely!

Why do moms need self-care?

1. For self-preservation! The only thing harder than protecting who you are is finding her, after you’ve allowed motherhood to rip her from you. Now I’m not saying that who you are won’t change and grow after you’ve become a mother. That’s normal. That’s life. That’s part of what we sign up for. However, you are a still a person, a person who matters. So, whoever this new you is, she needs you to protect and nurture her- all of her! That might require setting boundaries with your children- no you may not come into the bathroom, this is my chocolate and I will not share, I’m leaving you with your grandma and please don’t call me unless the house is on fire…I think you get where I’m going!

2. To make self-deposits! Have you ever been able to take money out of the ATM when you’ve made no deposits? (If your answer is yes, please email me to tell me your secrets!) The same applies for your person. Call on your spouse, parents, sister, bff, their godparents, your godparents, a super trusted friend to babysit…YES (sorry for yelling again, but this is important), you need to give your children away for a few hours or even a day or three to make those deposits. Sleep late, walk far, get a massage, watch a rated R movie with the volume turned up as loud as you like, meditate, workout, go to brunch, take a class, whatever it is that leaves you feeling like your best self…do it! You deserve the time to yourself, yes, even you working mommies. Some of my best memories are those spent with people other than my parents, permit your child great memories by leaving them behind!

3. To set an example! Your children are watching how you treat yourself, they will mimic that treatment. You are showing them how important you are as a human being, they will treat you accordingly. Have you ever witnessed a 20-something make decisions that negatively affect their parents with little to no concern for their parents? Ever wonder why children feel so entitled? Ever heard the parents of adult children admit that their children don’t have much regard for them as people? If you treat yourself poorly how can you expect for your children to treat you any better? If you never require your child to stop and consider you, what you need, how you feel, what makes you happy- how can you expect them to grow into considerate people?

4. To keep your sanity! Your mental health is greatly affected by how well you do or do not take care of yourself. A few days ago, I had a small breakdown, because I had spent 10 consecutive days with one or both of my children. You can judge me if you want to, but that is not healthy. When I write 10 days, I mean full days. No breaks. Every meeting, every errand, every moment, of every day. I had a nice little cry, adjusted my attitude and made plans to do something for myself and by myself the very next day! My mental health requires that I stay connected with Joeysha. To connect with her, I need to be alone with her!

If you are still reading, walk away knowing that you owe it to yourself to care for yourself well! You only get one you, do right by yourself- everyone in your life will be better off when you begin to treat yourself like you matter…because frankly you don’t just matter, you really matter MOST. (Ok, I yelled! You will survive.)

So mamas, put your oxygen masks on and take care of YOU!