Top This! How to Completely FAIL at Summer: a Step-By-Step Guide

I was doing really good today. Great even. I was momming the crap out of today and earning serious Fun Mommy points. Then it all went to *insert poop emoji.* Literally. Here’s how I managed to accomplish my latest fail. 
Step 1: Fill a storage container with water. 

Do your kids love water play in the summer? Of course they do!! Fill a container and let them splash in it. Give them cups, strainers and floating toys to play with. Then let them climb inside and completely soak their clothes. For best results ensure that at least one kid is in diapers. What’s the big deal anyway? How bad could it get? 

Step 2: Watch in horror as the water slowly turns murky. Then gray. Then brown. 

Remember that kid in diapers from step one? It poops. Big time. In their already water soaked diaper. Don’t quit now, it gets better. 

Step 3: Strip the children and hose them off. 

Real moms don’t let a little dook slow them down. Grab the soap, turn on the hose and have some fun! You can even let the kids run around in their little birthday suits and cool off. This part gets really fun if one of them steps in dog poop. Honestly, what’s a little more funk in this already stinky situation? 

Step 4: Set yourself up for additional disaster. 

After hosing off the kids, container and patio, set the spout down for just a minute. That’s long enough for one of the kids to grab it and spray you on the side of your head, demolishing your hard-fought and fabulously fresh twist-out– I mean, you know, whatever hair style you’re wearing. 

Step 5: NAP TIME. 

Well something good had to come of all this. Dry the kids off and put ’em straight to bed. They’re tired, you’re tired. Grab a glass of wine because it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, hit the couch and prepare to continue  adventures in mothering in 90 minutes!

Good luck and winespeed, friends.