Fed Up! My Breakup Text To Target
*Texting*
Mr. Target, I hate to put you on blast in a text. But we kind of need to talk. I’ve been thinking, and you know how I am when I get to thinking. It’s time for us to see someone else. It’s not me this time, it’s you, my dear. Why do you do me like this? We were once so close, but I’ve realized we need to take a break. Oh Target, I’m getting so emotional just typing all of this. You’ve got me all in my feelings! But I know it’s for the best. Recently our relationship is too complicated at the moment. It’s too emotionally draining and I need time to work some things out.
Target, I know what it is, it’s your color scheme and end-caps that do me in every time. I recently saw an end-cap with blow dryers in six vibrant colors and I wanted them ALL. Yes Target, I put all six of them in my cart! And then realized, what am going to do with all these doggone blow-dryers? I had to put them all back when I got hip to your little game. And all these beautiful throw-pillows you KNOW I don’t need because you’re the one that made me a buy whole new set last week! But here I am, throwing all this random, colorful mess, sparkly wine glasses and such, into my cart! No Target, I won’t let you get to me! I’m over your smooth-talking self, whispering lies about stuff I don’t need. All this pillow talk about your little red dot savings. It’s not sexy anymore!
AND ANOTHER THING. You don’t respect my diet. You KNOW I start every Monday! But every time I’m on my way out, I try to quickly walk past the Pizza-Hut and Starbucks. And here you come, throwing it all in my face. It’s so cruel how you do me Target! You KNOW I don’t have the strength to just keep walking toward the door. I end up ordering a 900-calorie latte with whip & chocolate drizzle AND eating my and the kids’ personal pizzas. Don’t you want me to be healthy? I wish you cared more. You just had me buy all those cute lil dresses you were showing off on the mannequins, and now you want me to eat all these pizzas too. Lol. See, now you’re really making me mad! You’re not right, Target. Your mixed-messages really have me doubting us right now.
You’ve rummaged through my purse and left me with so little. I can’t count the number of times I got with you, thinking we would spend $25 for 3 items on my list, but when I tabbed out you had me at $150! Why do you do me like that Target? You know I can’t afford this stuff! You’ve got me out here broke and now you have nothing to say. I’ve been thinking about hollering at Meijer anyway. Definitely not as flashy as you, but he’ll get the job done and be there for me the RIGHT way. Oh but don’t worry, dear. I’ll never leave you for Walmart! I’m not THAT mad at you Target. Plus, the way my anxiety is set up, I’m just not built for that type of relationship.
OK Target, it’s over. Maybe after a break, we can talk again and try to work some stuff out. But for now, I have to go. Please don’t text me back because I’m too emotional and you know I’ll come running back as soon as I see you typing a reply. Oh Tar, you know I need you! You know I can’t live without your colorful must-haves and your cute little red dots! You got me over here choked up, missing you already. I’m sorry Tar. I over-reacted again. You know how I get. Check it, T. What are you doing tomorrow? Are you open late? I need to bring back some of these darn pillows anyway, so maybe we can hang out a bit? Call me, T! Kisses!
*Send*
Signed,
Addicted & Forever Yours
This is hilarious, but I get it.