Mommy List: 12 Household Mysteries I Can't Figure Out

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flotsam-948679_960_720 — Courtesy of Pixaby

If scientists could uncover these 12 mysteries, that’ll be great.

The Great Sock Debate. Like really. How do so many socks go missing? Like, hundreds each year? It’s a mystery that doesn’t even statistically add up. How do so many mates somehow lose their loved-ones in my dryer? There have been many published theories over the years as to what actually happens to them, from sock-eating monsters to mysterious lint traps. Perhaps they get sucked out the dryer vent at high speeds, lifted into the air and get stuck on a tree branch? I’m all out of ideas and its getting out of hand.
The Messy Room Mystery. I clean my kids’ room countless times a day. As soon as I turn my back, it’s in the exact same messy state. Like, of all the places, lightening has somehow managed to strike their room twice. Toys are right back on the floor, books have mysteriously fallen off shelves again. It’s actually pretty eerie if you ask me!
The Icky Veggie Riddle. Waiting for my kids to eat 3 green-beans is like watching a pot of water boil. Time stands still. In the same amount of time, I know for a fact they could have each downed 3 slices of pizza, 3 honey-buns, and 2 lollipops. If a scientist can figure this one out, please holla at ya girl if you can solve any of these mysteries!
The Cooking Conundrum. The harder I slave in the kitchen, the less my kids eat. It’s a 100% direct correlation, each and every time. They are laughing and pointing at the intense effort I made, only to sit there lifelessly in front of their plates. I just stare in awe, baffled as all get-out. I guess the joke is on me!
The Random Poop Emergency. So I know I’m not alone on this one because I have actually asked around and taken polls. How is it that my kids have to poop as soon as my meal arrives at the restaurant? It’s like they purposely wait for the server to put my hot, steamy entree in front of me and then bam, they have to go. Like, every time. In fact, there has never been a recorded restaurant outing where this hasn’t happened. I can’t take these mysteries! I need answers and explanations!
The Picky Eater Enigma. How is it that my daughter loves cheese one day, and the next tries to convince me that she’s never liked it. She has me doubting my entire short-term/long-term memory set-up and wondering if perhaps I am aging faster than I thought?! Huh. I could have sworn this was her favorite food yesterday! It’s truly unnerving why I can’t figure this one out.
The McDonald’s Drive-Thru Dilemma. My kids always need some sort of complicated adjustment on their burger. No cheese. Light onions. Only one pickle. But how can they mess up my request for “a hamburger with only ketchup?” Not only did I have to pull into that waiting-area parking spot and wait 3 grueling minutes for my order last week, but it came out with cheese, extra pickles and tons of mustard. What kind of foolishness….
The Missing Drink Puzzle. It’s always just my luck. The one time I want Iced-tea, its gone. I buy it every week for the family, but somehow never get a sip. And that ONE moment in life that I want it so bad that I can cry, there isn’t a drop left. What are the odds? I have to put my bottle of tea on a carton of milk because it definitely goes missing when I need it most!
The Crying-Kid Problem. I just don’t get it! They’re fed, carried, coddled, spoiled, and have every toy one could ever wish for, and yet they cry. FOR WHAT??? Yeah, I need scientists to look into this mystery and get back to me. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
The Target Conspiracy. Oh baby, this one will probably need a separate thesis. But how is it that Target manipulates my mind into buying random stuff I have never needed in life? I need to see some empirical data on these mysteries.
The Non-napping Phenomenon. Oh how I would give my right arm to stop what I’m doing and take a 2-hour, midday nap. Pretty please, someone make me! But for my kids, this is the worst punishment in life and they plead with their eyes for me to come rescue them from the pits of napping hell. Oh how I wish I could trade places with them because it sounds like bliss to me!
The Empty Carton Crisis. Why are there are empty cartons in the refrigerator? Seriously. How does this mystery work? One takes the last swig, puts the cap back on, places it back on the shelf, closes the refrigerator door, and then goes about their business as if that’s normal? Does anyone understand how, why, and when this could ever make sense?